Hey everyone! I just need to start this email with a big huge THANK YOU to everyone who has reached out with advice, love, encouragement, and support! Your messages got me through each day and helped me keep at it. I will respond to all of you. It just might take a few weeks because P-Days end up being so busy haha. But seriously a big thank you! I am so grateful for all of you. I am very blessed.
Now I cannot honestly say that I'm loving it yet, I still struggle every day, but this week was better than last week so that's a win!! I have learned a lot as I have taken things a day at a time and sometimes an hour at a time and just focused on the tasks right in front of me.
The biggest thing that made this week doable was always having God with me. It was seriously like a 24 hr call with God every day. I was constantly praying, saying "Thank you for helping me do that, now please help me get through the next 5 minutes". "Ok, thanks for helping me get through that lesson or thanks for helping me not yell at my companion, now please help me be able to say something at this next contact". All the long walks were full of conversation with God and every day was completed thanks to His love and support and the love and support of all of you!
Something that I hear all the time is that God loves us and is mindful of us. For some reason I have always kinda skipped over mindfulness, but this week that really stuck out to me. It's not like God just loves us and will be happy when we return with Him someday, He loves us individually and is mindful of our every good hour and bad hour and He is with us every step of the way. I am grateful to always have Him.
Another thing that helped me get through each day is your messages. Every morning I would just go through and write down what you said in my notebook. It keeps my mind occupied and full of positivity and love. Thank you so much, I am so blessed to know you all.
Something I have learned from your messages this week is that it's okay that I'm not ok and that I don't love it yet. I keep trying to shift my mindset and remind myself that this is only a year and a half of my life and I am going to miss it one day, and sometimes that reminder helps and I am able to shift my mindset. But also I have learned that it's fine to not love it yet and I don't need to pressure myself to love it immediately and be enjoying every second. I have faith that if I keep doing what I can, (even if right now that is just to simply survive another day), then one day it will get better and things will change.
I am doing everything in my control to be happy. I have never worked so hard to be ok, and I know eventually it will work out. I have never prayed so fervently. I am grateful that time moves forward no matter what so if I am having a just survive day, time doesn't stop. I do not need 18 months' worth of good days, I just need to make it through 18 months.
Some random lessons I have learned, experiences I have had, and blessings I have seen. I am terrible at writing these emails on time so they are always rushed so I am sorry about that, but here's a little recap of things from the week and also last week too.
When I first got to Uruguay, they sent us to a hotel to rest. I ended up in my own room. Nice, ya? Well not really. Being sleep deprived, jet lagged, and alone in a hotel room in a country across the world without any means of communication and not even a clock to tell what time it was, led to psychosis. Haha jk. But really I have never felt so terribly lost. It felt like a bad dream. But then like 4 hrs later my roommates for the night showed up. They had just arrived from the Brazil MTC. One was Brazilian and one was Italian and we were all just learning Spanish. It felt like one of those jokes. Like, an Italian, Brazilian, and American all walked into a hotel in Uruguay together and tried to speak Spanish. I'm gonna be a pro at charades by the time I get home.
Also the other day my trainer told me I had to ask for directions. We have to do this a lot because the map in Area Book is pretty messed up. So I got the courage and walked up to this guy sitting on a bench and asked him for directions and was so proud of myself because it came out right and then the guy just stared at me. Paused. And said "no hablo Español". I was shook, but I was like "Oh haha, you speak English"? He shook his head. Y'all, the first time I built up the courage to ask for directions in Spanish I asked a guy who speaks Arab. Something I'm learning is that communication is important but dang languages are crazy.
We are teaching a homeless lady and it is simply a miracle every time we find her. She doesn't have a working cell phone and she only comes into town to get food from the soup kitchen, so we always try to catch her when she is going to get food, but she never goes at the same time! So we just pray we will find her and we have been able to find her on her bike in various places throughout town and teach her. She is reading the Book of Mormon right now and loves the gospel.
The other day I was struggling pretty bad when we came across a bunch of kids and they basically asked us to teach them. They are so fun and we have lessons with them a lot now
Here are some random excerpts from my journal:
"It is still so hard and I know it'll be harder going back to Pan de Azucar and not being able to speak any English again (this was during exchanges), but everybody thinking of me, praying for me, and rooting for me helps me feel better. It is like we are all in this together. The anxiety is bad. It is so hard, but I am taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time. Relying on the Lord."
"Got in my head again this morning and afternoon, but we went to work at 5 and like the first 10 people didn't answer. But then we found the cutest little miracles. Little Niko, Majo, Maxi, and Soi made my heart so happy. They wanted to learn about the gospel and at one point asked about what happens after death. Hermana Vincent mentioned her grandparents who have passed away and in that moment I felt like Grandma was there watching and listening and helping. Then I looked up and saw their pink rose bush and it was just perfect."
"Ok so basically some challenges are that the branch here is not very strong, so we are trying to work on strengthening the members in the ward.
Another issue is transportation to the church because we have an area far away and buses don't really run on Sunday and a lot of people don't have cars.
Also, I am really struggling with my companion. Like really, but I am learning patience and just doing what I can to love her."
I have tonsssss more to say but am out of time. I think I will try writing my email throughout this next week so that I can actually send what I want next week. But anyways, thank you for all the support and love and prayers. I feel it all and am so very grateful for all of you. I miss my family a lot a lot, but am grateful I get to talk to them on P-Days.
Much love and prayers to you all. Whatever you are going through, remember to talk to God, take it one day at a time, and fake it till you make it.
Love,
Hermana Bailey
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